Member-only story
Boring is sexy and vanilla is delicious
What is your relationship with chaos and order?
I’m high-performing at work, and I have 35 tabs open on my computer at all times. I rarely miss deadlines or appointments, and my desk looks like somebody spilled a trash can all over it. My desktop is as cluttered as my actual desk. I can tune out the noise and smell of the horde of teenagers in my house, and I procrastinate updating my phone’s OS. My purse is the size of a duffle bag and includes a lot of helpful items (pens that write, tissues, four chapsticks, tampons, mints) and many not so helpful items (pens that don’t write, tissues with old gum, three years worth of hardware store receipts).
What I’m saying is I’m used to a high level of chaos, dirt, mess, smell and noise. I’m prepared for many eventualities and when those arise I have to dig through all the unnecessary shit to get to the useful stuff. And that is pretty much my life.
Chaos comes in many forms, including ones that are culturally acceptable. I’m always multi-tasking (or more accurately, rapidly switching between competing tasks). I don’t like it and I don’t thrive on it, but it’s my default because it feels familiar. Never able to focus and go deep on one thing, because that means losing myself in the process and giving up vigilance for a minute. I know that half-assing a…
