Hello faceless, nameless mental health professional — did you read the whole thing? I said Perel is “an expert” not THE expert, not “the authority.” As with every topic, even legit experts disagree with each other which is great. However, Perel is in the minority by saying how about a little more curiosity and a little less judgment for the cheaters, so we can all make actual progress and grow from the experience. Nowhere in my article do I justify betrayal (not mine, not anyone else’s). My ex happened to not be hurt because he didn’t care and didn’t love me. I’ve certainly betrayed other people in other situations (aside from relationship infidelity) where I was broken up about the pain I caused. I don’t advocate shirking responsibility. I advocate going to the root of what causes us to do things that inflict pain on others and ourselves.