Member-only story
Marriage is overrated
Can we let go of the idea that not wanting to marry means a lack of commitment?
18 years ago I left my life, my family, my country, my school, my friends, my home to move to the U.S. to marry a guy I thought I was in love with, whom I didn’t know very well.
I clearly remember standing in my grandparents’ bathroom in Germany a couple of months before I left, when my fiance called. I stood in front of the mirror, feet on the fluffy bathmat, the room warm and soft, smelling of soap and laundry detergent. If you hadn’t come to visit me in America, I don’t think I would have come to see you in Germany. I don’t think we’d be together. I remember that moment clearly, looking at myself in the mirror, because I realized then that I was already more committed than he was. Willing to give up everything when his life would stay the same. The risk was all mine.
I dismissed the giant red flag flapping in the wind, hitting me in the face repeatedly.
September 27th marks the 18 year anniversary of my move from Germany to the United States. I was only 21. So young. So stupid. Every year the date draws close, I get antsy.
We met while I was in college in Germany and he was a missionary for the Mormon church a few thousand miles away from his home in the States. I was an…
