Nancie, I am so happy that you feel seen in this essay, as a childfree woman. That is the biggest compliment to me. I hate this weird barrier between mothers and childfree women. It feels so rigid and artificial at the same time that we think we cannot level with each other, if we don’t have motherhood in common. I was nodding the entire time while reading your response. You and I have more in common than I do with many mothers. The problem is that so often we think common ground lies in our shared roles rather than in shared values, personality traits, interests, etc. I was very difficult for me to figure out who I actually am (an ongoing process) as I also played many roles in my childhood and adolescence instead of being myself. I didn’t know how to do that. You may get something out these other two essays I wrote about that specific topic: Who the hell do you think you are (https://julianebergmann.medium.com/who-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are-30be0bff2be5), People-pleasing and extreme self-reliance are two sides of the same coin (https://julianebergmann.medium.com/people-pleasing-and-extreme-self-reliance-are-two-sides-of-the-same-coin-e6f319c254d1)