Member-only story
The court decision I’d been waiting for
The court hearing I mentioned in my last post “Censored” is done. I published that post the night before the hearing and even though that was a small thing, it was a big step for me.
I was anxious before the hearing and throughout, but nothing like I’d been in the past. It took over a week to get an official ruling from the judge on the matter, but when it came, it was good news. My ex’s motion was denied and the judge re-affirmed the existing order. My ex has now exhausted all his avenues, unless he wants to take the case to the Supreme Court.
This news should have brought immense relief and joy. What I felt instead was momentary relief and then nothing. I caught myself thinking, what’s next? I didn’t dare feel peace of mind. I felt a deeper sense of relief after past hearings when the judge had ruled in what I considered the kids’ best interest. Every time I thought, okay, now we’re done. Now we can start our normal life. Now everyone can relax. Now we can have some peace.
And I was wrong. Every single time.
This time around it may actually be the end of the road court wise and I can’t allow myself to relax. I don’t feel relief and I don’t feel particularly anxious, just sort of resigned to the idea that this will never stop until the kids are grown.
