Too Dumb for New York, Too Ugly for L.A.

Book Project Week Two Update

I drove behind a car the other day with a bumper sticker reading: “Too dumb for New York, too ugly for L.A.”

What I learned this week: Maybe it’s time I stop shitting on myself for a sec.

I appreciate self-deprecating humor. I use it a lot. I find it funny. I find it relatable. It’s important to laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves too seriously. And so on and so forth.

And also…often, self-deprecation for me is very closely tied to perfectionism. I’m excellent at finding tiny errors, which makes me a conscientious editor. It also makes me be an asshole to myself. If I go to 47 school plays and recitals, but miss the 48th because I have to work, I beat myself up about that last one. If I get a compliment from a client about a work project I kicked ass on, it takes everything in me not to diminish my work and point out an irrelevant flaw.

It sounds like maybe I’m just really humble, but that’s not it. The truth is a bit more gross.

Plenty of times, I’ve performed false humility to get even more praise (think Frasier Crane). Other times the combination of being an over-achiever with low internal self-worth has made me a pain to work with, because I was so externally motivated that I needed near-constant affirmation.

Finally, I’m just tired of looking at my limitations, failures, and problems and spending…