Member-only story
When was the first time you ever felt ugly?
I grew up with the idea that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and even as a kid it seemed like utter bullshit.
I polled my network with the title question and the responses shattered my heart into tiny little splinters.
You know how people tell you you should speak to yourself as if you were speaking to a good friend, as a way of identifying and stopping cruel self talk? It has never worked for me until I asked my friends, colleagues, and family members to tell me what their inner critics scream at them on endless repeat.
From a woman whose levelheadedness and thoughtfulness I admire: “I was in a very serious accident that put a hole in the left side of my face that took 3 plastic surgeries to repair — at 14 years old. I did have the experience a number of times of people staring and in the earliest stages of repair, turning in revulsion. I lost my boyfriend — I broke up with him because I could see how hard he was trying not to react and that hurt.”
From a family member who let me borrow her favorite sweater for an event: “At a public swimming pool when I jumped into the water my dad yelled out ‘look out for the whale’.”
